| 00:00 - 00:02 | The Signal Chat mess |
| 00:02 - 00:04 | must be dealt with. |
| 00:04 - 00:07 | We used an unsecured, commercially available app to discuss war plans |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | and our usual tactics of denial and bullshit might not fly this time |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | because we added the editor of The Atlantic to the group chat. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Just blame DEI |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | It was a DEI hire. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Führer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | unfortunately |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | it was Waltz, Vance... and Hegseth |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Your DUI hire. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | All DOGE interns without clearance, go fire some scientists. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | But those were all straight, white men! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I told everyone we're strictly merit based! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | How do we show that only straight, white men and a token hot lady or two |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | are the only ones competent enough to do the job |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | if you keep showing such incompetence?! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I know we need to erase records of our coup |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | so I get using Signal, but why couldn't you add one of our guys |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | someone in our pocket from Newsmax, or Fox? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Well, your "100% OPSEC" FoxNews guy did most of the damage |
| 01:43 - 01:46 | We are trying to dismantle a democracy here! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | We will, Project 2025 is still on course |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | The libs want business regulations, and a social safety net. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Is that what you want?! |
| 01:55 - 01:57 | Limits on our freedom to make as much money as we want?! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Pussy shit like empathy and compassion?! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Mistakes like this make us look weak! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | We only have so long to grab brown people off the street |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | and disappear them before the courts figure out how to stop us |
| 02:13 - 02:17 | And what about DOGEcoin and StableCoin and World Liberty Financial? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I want to make billions from this, I'm not some ideological loser like Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I am replacing everyone I possibly can with sycophants |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Republicans in congress are too scared of Musk's money to say much against me |
| 02:34 - 02:37 | Bezos, Zuck & Murdoch blast their platforms with my propaganda |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | But there is only so much I can expect |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Americans with any education at all to swallow, |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | even after a steady diet of $60 Trump bibles! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | They might figure out they earned their Social Security |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | They might get that USAID bought food from US farmers |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Hell, they might want to visit a National Park! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry Tulsi, Putin won't let him fire you |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I got elected with 34 felonies and dozens of rape allegations |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I ran to avoid prison, and so far I've never had to face a single consequence |
| 03:25 - 03:27 | Not even for the 13 year old with Epstein |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Waltz must take the fall for this one. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I will be supreme leader, the supremest. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Then making fun of me will be illegal. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Find me some transgender mice. |
