| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mr. Musk, DOGE is making rapid progress |
| 00:04 - 00:07 | The "nerd reich" are infiltrating all government systems |
| 00:07 - 00:07 | . |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We've already cut off funding to childhood cancer research |
| 00:12 - 00:16 | And "BigBalls" is making sure all the brown people in Africa get AIDS |
| 00:17 - 00:22 | Very good. Now let's discuss my various ethically conflicting business interests |
| 00:21 - 00:21 | . |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr Musk... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Sir... |
| 00:30 - 00:32 | Sir Tesla stock is in absolute freefall |
| 00:33 - 00:38 | Nobody wants the wankpanzer and Trump just put tariffs on steel and aluminum |
| 00:53 - 01:00 | Everyone except for Catturd, LibsofTikTok, and my ketamine dealer get the fuck out. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What in the DEI FUCK! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | What in the woke hell is this?! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Do you think I bought the presidency so I could go fucking broke??! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I have like 9 wives to support FFS |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | and like 52 fuckin' kids |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Maybe they should have sent some of those condoms to me |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | What, the libs thinks they can just not buy my shit? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I'll make that fucking illegal! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | You changed your name to Hairy Ballz on X-twitter |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | It was a great joke! You never get my fucking jokes! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | It makes you look unhinged |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Just wait until I replace the US Dollar with some crypto shitcoins |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | who's unhinged now! |
| 01:55 - 01:57 | I told people I'd find massive fraud |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And the best I got so far is some science project |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | with a shrimp running on a fucking treadmill |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | and turns out, all this shit was public record already |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I spent $250 million to buy what amounts to a fucking google search |
| 02:13 - 02:16 | because I listened to fucking Grok |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I should have used a real LLM for research, like Altman's! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | This has gone way too far |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | All I ever wanted, was to get a girlfriend with big fakies |
| 02:34 - 02:37 | you know, like Bezos |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Far righters... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | They'll hoover up any low effort conspiracy you meme at them... |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | but they're fucking broke and allergic to electric cars |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | The next car we make should just run on straight coal |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Like a literal coal furnace in the dashboard |
| 03:00 - 03:03 | And you just gotta fucking shovel that shit in there |
| 03:04 - 03:08 | Don't worry Grimes, I'm sure he's still fighting for climate change |
| 03:14 - 03:17 | I shouldn't have called that cave diver a pedo |
| 03:19 - 03:24 | I was tripping balls on some crazy experimental shit |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | with Rogan |
| 03:31 - 03:34 | I spiked y'alls drinks BTW |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I just told investors I'd have fully autonomous Robotaxis by June. Again. |
| 03:46 - 03:50 | I have no fucking idea how I'm gonna wiggle out of that one. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Sell my fucking shares. |
