| 00:00 - 00:03 | Maildude has crossed the line. He's a loose cannon. |
| 00:03 - 00:08 | He has drudged up old threads in several cities. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Including towns near the mainland |
| 00:05 - 00:10 | He has commandeered cyber cafes as well as coffee shops, computer stores, |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | West of here, downtown, in the eastern suburbs, |
| 00:07 - 00:12 | He has also struck at seventeen Radio Shacks and four Best Buys. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | He has responded to threads using library computers in eleven different districts, seemingly to cause mayhem. |
| 00:12 - 00:17 | He seems to wait until a thread becomes unresponded-to...often times for months. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | His true intent is unknown at this time, sir. We expect more attacks soon. |
| 00:15 - 00:20 | But his actions have resulted in several complaints around the Internet...also in declining memberships. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Ban him from all forums. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Except for FreeOnes....I like that one. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | FreeOnes... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | FreeOnes has been compromised as well. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He has just resurrected another old thread there. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I want my officers to immediately report to their commanding units. Now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Maildude??? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Who is this destructive bastard? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And why does he insist upon wreaking havoc on my favorite forum ever? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | I want to talk about porn, nudity, |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Military history... |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | You know...the important stuff! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Not see this hackneyed jack-off's antics! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | New threads! New topics! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir...maybe he suffers from dementia... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Hermann Goering suffers from dementia too! And head lice! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, Maildude might be a plant... |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | A plant? From who? The Disney Channel? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Horseshit!!! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | He's a nobody! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Just some mailroom errand boy |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Out to ruin my good time! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | It's ridiculous as hell! It's an ass pain! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I barely have time to masturbate anymore after that Normandy landing! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | So I read a lot...on the forums... |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | FreeOnes. Where I can read with one hand. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Choose a topic with the other. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | If I can't masturbate to porn stars and models |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | At least I can read bullshit. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | But not recycled bullshit!! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | They'll let anybody sign up on these forums anymore... |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | All you need is a fake name, a dick, and a reasonably good computer. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | There's no dignity anymore. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Then comes this Maildude guy.... |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | With his parrot crap... |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Sssh...he'll hear you cry and lose his erection! |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I can see it now... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Every new thread followed a year later by the same thing. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It sucks. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Who can stop him?. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Before long, I'll have to read rehashed bullshit about sex toys and jerking off to cartoons... |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And I'll have to read them again a year later. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | What are mods for, anyway? |
