| 00:01 - 00:07 | GOOD MORNING, I AM IAN DE LIAR WELCOME TO PASOTI NEWS |
| 00:08 - 00:13 | FIRSTLY AN UPDATE ON THE MAGNIFICENT GRANDSTAND BEING SUPPLIED BY OUR ILLUSTRIOUS LEADER JAMES BRENT |
| 00:14 - 00:18 | EVERYTHING IS ON TRACK AND THE DENTIST SURGERY WILL BE THE BEST IN HOME PARK |
| 00:19 - 00:20 | WE MUST ALL CLAP FOR EXACTLY 2 MINUTES BEFORE SATURDAYS GAME IN APPRECIATION |
| 00:21 - 00:23 | FAILURE TO CLAP FOR THE REQUIRED TIME WILL RESULT IN YOU NEVER RECEIVING AN INVITE TO THE DIRECTORS BOX |
| 00:24 - 00:30 | APOLOGIES ARE OFFERED BY OUR CHAIRMAN IAN NEWELL FOR YESTERDAYS OUTAGE, CAUSED BY FREAKS AND WEIRDO'S FROM OVER THE BORDER |
| 00:31 - 00:35 | CHAIRMAN NEWELL PERSONALLY GUARANTEES THAT NO PERSONAL MESSAGES WERE ACCESSED DURING THIS OUTAGE |
| 00:36 - 00:38 | THIS FACT IS CONFIRMED BY MYSELF AND JUNIOR CHAIRMAN OLLIEARGYLE |
| 00:39 - 00:42 | UNFORTUNATELY DURING THIS BRIEF OUTAGE, IT HAS EMERGED THAT SOME FORMER MEMBERS HAD BEEN PLANNING A COUP |
| 00:43 - 00:46 | FEAR NOT THOUGH COMRADES, THESE TRAITORS WHO WERE SEEKING FREEDOM OF SPEECH HAVE BEEN TERMINATED |
| 00:46 - 00:49 | THIS LEAVES MEMBERSHIP AT A STAGGERING 1.75 MILLION |
| 00:49 - 00:52 | THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR COOPERATION AND REMEMBER, STRIPES ARE BACK. GOODNIGHT |
