| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mr. President, the Michigan canvassing board has certified Biden's win. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We've lost all hope in Pennsylvnia. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | The blue wall is completely in tact. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We've lost the recount in Georgia. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Joe Biden has won 306 electoral votes. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Find better lawyers. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | File more lawsuits. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr. President |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The good lawyers... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The good lawyers won't work for you anymore, you're 1-35. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | All that's left is Rudy Giuliani. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone who thinks I lost and should concede, you're fired. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Giuliani is a dotard! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Four Seasons Total Landscaping??? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | He makes me look like a fool!!! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | His daughter says she voted for Biden, |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | and now Ivanka tells me to concede! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Hair dye runs down Rudy's face! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | He quotes My Cousin Vinny???? |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | He told me he had a brilliant plan! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mr. President, Giuliani just needs more time. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | To quote Erin Brokovich in front of Ritz Beauty Spa? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mr. President, we can have the state legislatures pick your electors. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You think I didn't try that already? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They strung me along. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | They asked for COVID relief money, |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | then drank my free champagne |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and refused to overthrow the will of the voters! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I even gave them free rooms and food at Trump International. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | They ate me out of house and hotel! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | How can the two Republicans with an ounce of respect for democracy |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | be in the Michigan state legislature??? |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | They were supposed to listen to me. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I'm their favorite President, Donald J. Trump! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I've been tweeting that I won for two weeks, |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | but we're even losing the deplorable base. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Even that dumb poker player Mike Matusow is against me now. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Who's next? Awval999? Inso0? |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Now I have less than two months to grift. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I've got $400 million in debts, and the Republicans won't pay for my hotel rooms anymore. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I'll have nothing left to leave my kids. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Oh, Ivanka, he was always broke anyway. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Sir, perhaps you should think about our legal liability. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I can pardon everyone, but not for the state crimes. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | You're all going to jail. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I'll flee to Russia. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I'll use my following on social media to spend my days |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | hawking My Pillows and Goya Beans to deplorables |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | and trying not to see the Vince memes. |
