| 00:00 - 00:03 | We have received the latest polling, Sir. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The Vice President is leading in Michigan. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | And Virginia. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Also, Wisconsin. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Nevada . . . |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Well, we are doing well in Pennsylvania. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | We still have Georgia. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir ... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Steiner |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Steiner here. We are losing Georgia, too. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They really seem to like Stacy Kemp. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | That fat slob? After I got shot in the ear? Everyone leave except Rudy, Stephen Miller and Eric. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | That's why I said "fight"!!!! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | My ear was a mass of bloody flesh, and I yelled "fight"!!! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Receipts! I have receipts! They shot my ear off! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Why the fuck are you crying? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Stacy Kemp ate over half of the pizza in the kitchen before I could get a piece. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Stacy Kemp is a loser! She's fat! . . . Can't those inbred pecan pickers see this? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Something has to be done, go to her house and lock her refrigerator! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | If she can't eat, she won't leave the house. She's fat! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | She's been on Ozempic, she does not eat as much! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Please break in and put pie on her table! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir . . . My feeling is Georgia is lost! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Again? I'll not have it! I'm going to throw pens at the map! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Go there! Take pie! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And, that simpleton Kemp and his stupid wife! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | "He hasn't earned my vote!" I don't want her vote. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I want you to find me 11,000 votes! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I have done more for this country than Jesus and the guy who invented Clorox! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | I cured Covid! It was a beautiful thing! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I made NATO pay! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I ended Roe v. Wade! I built a wall! Mexico paid for it! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I attended a Braves game once. Does that not mean anything to these rednecks? |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I like Savannah, it's not Mar a Lago, but it's okay for a weekend! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Kamala hasn't even been to Atlanta, because they hate Indians. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Walz thinks he's funny calling me weird. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | Well, it wasn't his ear they shot off! Did you see the blood?!!? Lots of blood. Lots of blood. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I've taken a bullet for democracy! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Do you know what an infection of the ear can cause? |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | I almost died! The doctors said most people would have died. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I had to make that square patch for my ear myself! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Ask Kara, she might have a Clif bar at her desk. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I was doing so well before I took that stupid escalator down. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | When you are a celebrity, you can just grab women by their vulvas. Great, big beautiful vulvas. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | I was counting on winning this thing to get those charges overturned. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Well, we still have Pennsylvania. Fetterman is weird. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I wear a suit, he dresses like a hobo. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | We get 19 electors there. . . . Wait, that only gets us to 255. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Someone get me a list of prisons that have golf courses. |
