| 00:00 - 00:03 | Winning the Ashes is easy. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | We let them win the first two. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Then roll them in tests 3 & 4 at Headingley and Old Trafford. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Then we win the last in a glorious come from behind bazball glory. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And you Mein Piers-en-Fuhrer will do a lap of London with the team. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | This Bazball is amazing. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Its great to win the ashes. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Piers-en-Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Bazball...... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Bazball is Shit. We've lost the Ashes. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Bazball's only use is making losers feel better. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Root, Bairstow, Stokes and anyone who averages more than 5 stay. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | I was told Bazball was the greatest weapon! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | That it would win the Ashes easily! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | "BAZBALL -They wont know what hit them" said Stokes |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And Bairstow "oh its a walk in the park!" |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Walk in the PARK! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | You couldnt even stay in the crease until the over was finished! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And you couldn't catch a porkpie if Ollie Robinson smothered it in sauce! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | AND you Root -- Did you even look at the weather forecast? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer-Morgan it was against the Spirit of Cricket! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Spirit of CRICKET! I'll give you Spirit of Cricket! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Piers-en-Fuhrer. How were we to know it'd rain? |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Well you could have looked out the F**KIN Window! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | It's bloody summer in England! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | It always rains in the middle of Summer in Manchester! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Even the French know that...and they dont even play cricket! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | I even faced an over of Brett Lee to support you lot! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I had shit running down my legs I was that scared |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | and yes I couldnt see the ball let alone hit it... |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | ...but it didnt stop me! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I have 8 million followers on Twitter.... |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | ...who all think I'm a massive dick now! |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Even Merv Hughes is taking the piss. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Me - Piers Morgan the Great! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | What is wrong with this country? |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | You said this moron Kiwi was the answer! That we'd smash the aussies. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | "He makes us feel good!" you all said. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Even when we stoop to abusing players in the Long Room! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | You said "We are entertaining!" |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Entertaining!! How about F**kin WINNING! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's okay.. we tried our best! |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I never want to hear the word "bazball" again. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | There's nothing I can do but cry |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Get me a hanky! |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | It's hopeless. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We can't even beat Ireland with this Bazball. Can we? |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | As for Holland. We're stuffed. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Get me some tissues! |
