| 00:00 - 00:03 | The printer in my office doesn't work. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | But the allies have good ones. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Do they have Best Buy(tm) here? Here? |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | They would sell to you |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | but they think you're evil. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | But I've only killed millions. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | and invaded a few countries. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Have you tried turning your printer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | off and on again? |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Have you prayed to Incan monkey gods? |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | I tried to print just one page. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | I accidentally hit print all pages. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | It spat out one one page after another! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | I hit the cancel print button over and over. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | But it wouldn't stop! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Eva, you gave him it as present, didn't you? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | You can still give him socks. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | I turned it off for hours! And my computer, too. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | I even took a bath to calm me down. With fizzy bath |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | bombs and my favorite rubber ducky. It was still printing. |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | You needed to empty your printer queue. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Can't I just shoot the manufacturer? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein fuhrer, you already did, last month. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I'm surrounded by traitors and printers. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Did you know I have a monthly |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | ink cartridge subscription? That I get |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | get charged by the printed page, whether I wanted |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | to print it or not? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | I have no money left for our armies. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Doesn't your husband work for Hewlett Packard? |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | And then it always jams! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And sometimes it feeds two pages at a time when scanning. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I have to rescan and rescan |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | a 70 page document. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Do you know how many hours that takes? |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | You have to feed in one page |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | at a time manually. While that happens, I can't issue |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | any orders. My officers wait and wait for my commands. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | While we do nothing, the allied armies |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | get ever closer to my bunker. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Now it's jammed with a half printed cat photo. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | You jammed it, trying to print Frisky? Didn't you? |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I don't even like cats. Am I to go down |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | in history as the man who lost a war due to an |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | an itty, bitty kitty? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Did you know that Satan created printers? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Their evil souls achieved consciousness. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And now they hate us. All of us. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | We're doomed. War was fun. Printers are not. |
