| 00:00 - 00:03 | The fires have surrounded Sydney and people have died. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The smoke is choking people |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | along the whole east coast - |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | the hipsters in Melbourne have started complaining |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and the last handful of public servants left in Canberra are ready to leave. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Just put out a presser |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | saying it's a State and Territory issue. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Prime Minister... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | actually... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | we've already tried that and it didn't cut through. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The Australian people demand leadership. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | All those who think climate change is a reality and needs immediate attention will get out of my sight. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | All I wanted was a nice family holiday |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | relaxing in Hawaii with Jenny and the girls |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | and what the bloody hell happens while I'm away? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | You can't even keep it a secret |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | and hide it from the media. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Can't a bloke have a bit of a rest? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And Michael fucking McCormack and his 20 National nutters |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | want to run the country from fucking Wagga Wagga and... |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Prime Minister, he has discovered self-combusting manure... |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | He couldn't discover his arse with both hands.... |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Prime Minister, we are a coalition. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Why am I surrounded by incompetence? Don't you know who the bloody hell I am? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I'm Scott from Marketing |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I'm the best marketer to ever be PM |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Master of glib lines, winner of elections, slayer of |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Shorten and the daggiest dad in all of Australia. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | For over 10 years our glorious Liberal party has hemmed and hawed, |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | lied and deceived, and employed creative accounting, all to prove the unprovable - |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | that we're reducing carbon emissions. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And now it's come to this, that that fucking Greta girl, and those damn scientists |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | have finally won. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Well, we've fought the good fight, and even tried the last roll of the dice |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | by distracting with my Religious Discrimination Bill. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | All for nought. |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | The people have seen through it all, even though I am the Master of Marketing. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | And now we might have to do something other than Thoughts and fucking Prayers |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | It seems hopeless. Even Albo is doing something |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and that prick Tony Abbott is probably even fighting the fires too |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | If he can hold a hose, why can't I? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | You can always get an office girl job in Barnaby's office. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Well, I know what we have to do... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | We'll do what is necessary to win the next election. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | We'll actually do something... |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Angus, put a stop to any new coal mines |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | and we'll need to resist Rupert and his conga line of elderly white blokes denying climate change - |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | that's Donald and Boris and Jair, too |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Get me Greta on the line... |
