| 00:00 - 00:03 | We must prepare for the season ending press conference |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | After finishing 68-93 |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | and finishing in last place |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Detroit finished in third |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Kansas City in fourth three games in front of us |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | We are still a Wild Card team |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I will still win the World Series |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My Fuhrer |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The season |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | The season is over, we were eliminated 3 weeks ago |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The Fourth Reich will triumph next year |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Coaches Cairo, Boston, Katz, stay here |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | What in the hell happened?! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Fifth place! In the AL Central. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | These teams aren't even trying to win |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | And we finished in last |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | We lost to the pathetic Royals |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | A team of eight year olds can beat that team |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | You are the most incompetent staff in baseball history |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Dave Duncan is 110 and can out coach all of you |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | My Fuhrer, we did the best we could this year |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Boston shut up, you're lucky you weren't with me in jail |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | My Fuhrer, you were drunk each and every game |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I've been drunk for decades, and won it all three times |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | This is my worst season ever |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And were is my errand boy Rick Hahn |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | With his garbage draft picks, Rodon and the Midget |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And Grandal cannot catch a baseball |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | What good is fWAR when you can't manage a game |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Molina's Grandmother is a better catcher |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I rather have Bruce Kimm catching than that bum |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And the never ending walks, Cease, Lopez, Stiever |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Last place in this pathetic division |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I could have stayed home in Arizona |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | And drank ten bottles of wine every day |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Last Place |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | A. J. Hinch owned us all sseason |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Mike Matheny can barely tie his shoes |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | And he finished ahead of me |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | And those pathetic Cubs beat us again |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Lead by a Pathetic Dancing Grandpa |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK, Jerry will still pay us |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | How can I face the media now |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | After trading Tim Anderson for Pujols |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | A legit Hall of Famer |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Tim knelled, he had to go |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | And that clown Ozzie Guillen trashing me all year on postgame |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | As if he knows his ass from a hole in the ground |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I'll stay in my bunker another season |
