| 00:00 - 00:03 | The new gardener is starting tomorrow. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | He has a set of electric tools. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | He needs plug sockets here and here. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | He has a Daxara trailer from Halfords. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | He will need help reversing it here. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | You have chosen a gardener.... |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | With electric tools and a Daxara trailer? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Adolf......Erm |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | He.... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | He wears a polo shirt with an embroidered logo! |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | He said he watches Gardeners world. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who has used a Petrol tool in a garden leave the room now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Why did you choose this fucking comedian? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Its a commercial site! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | Gardening from a fucking car! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | WIth an electric strimmer sticking out of the sunroof |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Wandering around....... |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | With a pair of secateurs, looking at a fallen tree. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | He probably has a kneeling cushion! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | How the fuck is he going to remove the gardening waste? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Maybe he could use binbags? |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Binbags to remove 20 tonnes of leaves? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | He said his trailer can carry a domestic bin. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You couldnt carry a brew in that piece of shit! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | They look out....... |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Of their office windows on a warm.. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Sunny day, the birds are singing. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | They watch Alan Titchmarsh on Love your fucking Garden |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | With his glamorous assistants in flowery wellington boots. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | They think it will be pottering about with a bunch of Pansies and a watering can. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | If theres a drop of rain... |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | They will run back to their shiny estate car and put the heater on. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And listen to Gardeners Question Time. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | One was spraying weeds with fucking vinegar! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | Because its environmentally friendly. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | The following week..... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | The weeds were bigger, they were fucking thriving! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | At best they will upgrade to a petrol mower from B&Q. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | They think all mowers are identical. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | Honda, Itchyfanny, what difference does a brand make? |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Why would the professionals pay £1000 if they are all the same? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Its ok he doesnt know you are becoming a gardener. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Then because he is so inefficient. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | He will put up the price. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Does he have a spraying licence? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Health and Safety Policy? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | A real gardener would do a better job at a lower price. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Send in the Luftwaffe to bomb the garden. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Order some AstroTurf. |
