| 00:00 - 00:03 | Sir, our IT operations are down. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The computers are down. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Phones, printers, and the Juicero are encrypted. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We're infected with Petya. It's ransomware. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | It's asking for $300 in bitcoin. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | I'm not going pay. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Restore from backups. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Sir... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Unfortunately... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | We tried to restore. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | The backups failed. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone without a CISSP, GSEC, or CISM... get out. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How could this happen!? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | 152 threat intel feeds, 8 next-gen AV products. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | A 9-figure security budget. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Gartner magic quadrant my ass! |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I sent you to Defcon to stop this shit. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Here we are again, only a month after WannaCry. |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | You had since March to patch. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Since MARCH! MARCH! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir, we patched. We did. |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Then why is my Juicero encrypted? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, this is new. Sophisticated. |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | That's what PR wonks say to noobs. |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | CISSP bullshit. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | MalwareTech had a kill-switch. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | We sent him pizza, beer, and a barber. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | We read Robert Graham's blog together every morning. |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | We did security awareness training. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And we're still hacked every week like Yahoo! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I'm sick of getting calls from Brian Krebs. |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | The grugq always trolling us on twitter. |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I just want one uneventful weekend. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Is that too much to ask? |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | If it's not one thing, it's Tavis Ormandy. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | No dropping 0-days on Friday! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | If not Tavis, it's the Shadowbrokers. |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I can't even understand what they're are saying. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Like John Malkovich reading leet speak... |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | ...with a Russian accent |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | I swear we'll switch from Windows to Mac. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry. We'll have VMs. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I hate saying this... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | At least if we pay we'll get our data back. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | It's only $300. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | We need to buy more bitcoins. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | What I'm going to say to our cyber-insurer. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | The board is going to scapegoat me. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | This must be what Bob Lord feels like. |
