| 00:00 - 00:03 | Sir. We have formed DU's Mascot Task Force |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Good news. The Student Senate has banned Boone funding |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | No one noticed that Boone was 100% funded by alumni |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We erased Boone & other mascots from the Magness murals |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | DU's high level donors don't care about mascots |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Good. Now the students can vote for a new mascot... |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | ...in an fair & open election |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Führer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The students... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Boone is more popular than ever on campus... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Boone's Facebook Page has more "Likes" than "DU Confessions" |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who still thinks that Boone should become DU's Official Mascot...Leave |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | This is a fucking joke! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | We told everyone that Boone was a polarizing figure on campus |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | We tried every trick in the book... |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | to destroy Boone |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | We banned sales of Boone merchandise |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | So the fucking Alumni gave away free T-shirts |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | And sent students to Mascot Boot Camp |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Despite all this, Boone is more popular than ever with the students |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Sir. The alumni love Boone as well |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Then why won't the alumni come to DU basketball games |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Sir, they are very busy |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Fuck the alumni, students and fans |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Don't give me that shit. We gave them the Ruckus mascot |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | And the Red-Tailed Hawk logo as well! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | The alumni are using Boone to poke holes in "Inclusive Excellence" |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Claiming no college mascot represents "diversity" |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | DU must be the first university to repudiate western imagery |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | So that we can rebrand ourselves Diversity University |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Then we can raise tuition to $60,000 a year |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | But this will not happen as long as Boone is dancing around campus |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | And visiting Las Vegas during Spring Break |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | Have you seen the buffet at Caesar's Palace? Its magnificent |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | We must rig the Student Senate elections... |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And fire all pro-Boone faculty |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | We fired the hockey coach and that should have reeled DU staffers into line |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | But then the lacrosse coach screwed us by crying at the Press Conference |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I also fucking hate that coonskin cap |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | An astronaut would be a far better mascot for DU |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Or an ox or miner... |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry. DU can't kill Boone. They've tried before |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Dan Ritchie will be so disappointed in me |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | The Board will probably throw me out of the Magness Bell Tower |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | The students mock the Mascot Task Force |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The alumni are furious about firing the hockey coach |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | The hockey coach and Boone fiascos have drained our resources and credibility |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Maybe the Mascot Task Force will get lucky |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | And design a killer Elk costume |
