| 00:00 - 00:03 | Mein Fuhrer, we have a report from the Caliph al-Baghdadi |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | His forces are stalled in Kobane and the Peshmerga |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | have reinforced the YPG and YPJ with heavy weapons. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | The Kurds are providing coordinates to American bombers |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Daesh is taking heavy casualties, and is considering a retreat. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Send in the tanks. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | The Kurdish lines will break. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mein Fuhrer, |
| 00:28 - 00:28 | Their tanks... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Daesh lost most of their tanks in urban combat. |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | If they don't retreat now, they're fucked. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone except my senior advisers, please leave now. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | You told me those Daeshbags would WIN! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | How fucking hard is it to take one little town? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | I promised Erdogan that his "Kurdish problem" would be fixed in a week! |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | Now almost two months later... |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | ...and Daesh is getting their asses thoroughly kicked! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | YPJ and YPG and Peshmerga! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Daeshbag cowards are useless against them! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | ...all they're good for is butchering unarmed civilians and raping little girls! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Mein Fuhrer the Islamic State is fighting as hard as it can! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Your Islamic State couldn't fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mein Fuhrer they simply need more time and heavy weapons to win! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Sure, keep throwing tanks, supplies, and men into the meat grinder! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | That's working SO WELL! |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | All they're good for is |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | making stupid hand signs and kidnapping civilians |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | ...beating women and selling little girls into slavery! |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Meanwhile that clumsy moron Erdogan blows our cover at the border |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | now the international community knows he's working with Daesh! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I mean, how fucking OBVIOUS can you be? |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | It was just like the Red Army and the Warsaw Uprising under Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Now the West has forced the issue |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | and the Peshmerga are allowed through Turkey |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | to tip the balance in Kobane! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I've waited seventy years |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | ...for ONE more chance to take over the world! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | ...and on your advice, I blow the last of my money backing these Daeshbags! |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | ...a gang of gutless, goat-fucking goons! |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | ...and they're losing at Shingal, too! |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Where will they get enough little girls then? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | It's OK, I'm sure the Fuhrer won't let them have you! |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Well, "back to the drawing board" |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | This is what I get for betting on those pathetic losers |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Get a pen |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | I will come up with a new plan. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | We will train a quarter million chimpanzees to shoot rifles and drive tanks |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | They'd fight AND smell better! |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | ...and be smarter, too... |
