| 00:00 - 00:01 | I'm going to need all the help I can get. |
| 00:00 - 00:03 | It's all going to plan, Jason. We have been in touch |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | with Stansted Airport... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Gatwick, Heathrow and Battersea Dogs' Home |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | They are all up for this. Non stop to Bangkok! |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | Codesharing with Jet, MAS and Etihad |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Wonderful. How much money have we raised? |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | GoFundMe always comes through for me. |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Ah. Jason.... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | GoFundMe.... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | It's only raised 98 pence... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | We're about one billion pounds short. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Grandad. Mum. Ersin, Tina. Nigel. You all stay. The rest of you are banned!! |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I HAVE NO MONEY! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | What about the dead dog panhandling schemes? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | The fake refugee hotel scams? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | The Russian money from Oleg? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | All the dosh from my investors? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | My god I've even told Treeza May I've got the dosh |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | But I guess she needs a job as well now |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | I know how she bloody well feels! Only JSA to live on! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But Jason, I thought Etihad were going to cough up? |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | Etihad my arse! The bastards just laughed and put the phone down on me |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But you said they invest in any old shit? |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | "Who the hell are you" they said. Bastards! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I'm on the bones of my arse again. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | Back to folding shirts in Primark. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | Or checking in the Great Unwashed at Stansted.... |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | And all the swines on PPRuNe will be laughing at me |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | "Told you say", they will say. |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | And as for the Indians, I'll be lynched. |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | They'll make a Tikka Masala out of my nether regions |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | And serve me to the bloody cat. With poppadoms! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Well that's it. No Jet. No Atmosphere. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | No whooping it up with Tony Fernandes |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | No hob-nobbing with Richard Branson at the airline awards ceremony |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | I'll have to go back to running for PrimeMinister |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | No idiots will stand in my way for THAT job! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | And my best mate Vicky will stand right behind me. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | I'm sure she didn't mean to send Special Branch to my house |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | to tell me to pack it in and stop bugging her |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | After all I've done for her! Backing her Brexit Party! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | We'll have to tell him. Vicky isn't in the Brexit Party |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | All those dog uniforms. Worthless, second hand... |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Might get a few quid back on them in Pat Pong I guess... |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | And did we keep the receipt for all those 777s? |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | And send a note to David Doherty... |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | "Dear David. Sorry. I am a twat. You were right. Love, Jason" |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And send him some flowers. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Ask him if he'll write me a reference.... |
