We have news from the organisers of SMACC
The conference is looking bloody amazing
Although for some reason Sydney is labelled as Berlin
There will be SimWars, SonoGames and PK SMACC-talks
and great speakers like Weingart, Carley, Lex, Finfer, and Myburgh
Any news of my SimWars team entry?
I can't wait to open a can of whoopass on Minh Le Cong
They have not chosen your SimWars team to compete at SMACC
They prefer the Fabulous Females of FOAM
Anyone who follows Michelle Johnston on Twitter, get out now
What the heck are these SMACC heads thinking?
I've already bought my Cat Woman outfit!
I've been practising intubations outdoorsat night during snowstorms, using only a spoon
That damned Roger Harris... who is he, the Austin Powers of Critical Care?...
And that goddam Oli Flower, he even sounds like a pansy
Hell, I got more inches than Scott Weingart and Cliff Reid put together
And Casey Parker... He's got a ginger beard!
Mike Cadogan's not even a proper Aussie - he's Welsh!
Boss, you got the CPR ratios wrong in your SimWars video
If I want to do compressions:breaths in a 6:9 ratio I bloody well will!
Boss, I think the tobacco smoke enema was a step too far
I followed the UCEM Resuscitation Guidelines to the letter!
I gave 5,000mg of propofol as part of the RSI
I started with ABCs - Arrive, Blame, Crticise
before D and E - Declare dead and Exit
I made sure the medical registrar was only allowed to answer the telephone
I even sought help at the right time, by curling up in a ball and screaming "Help! Mummy, help!"
And when things went wrong I let the orderly run the show
So what if I accidentally intubated the patient's rectum...
It could happen to anyone - even Minh Le Cong!
The patient was going to die anyway
He'd caught venereal disease from a Silverback gorilla
What can you do in a scenario like that!
What a turd sandwich...
I'd even started growing a goatee so I'd win the Weingart look-a-like contest!
I was going to steal Joe Lex's music collection too.
What if Simon Carley's Team GB wins the SMACCWars now...
They can't even tell a Funnelweb spider from a Taipan
and probably use an electric blanket post-ROSC
It's OK Rob Orman, you weren't even invited to SMACC
I spent so much time working on my graded assertiveness
even Rob Rogers and Leon Gussow said I was making progress
and now its all gone to waste
I can see them now
Scott Weingart and Cliff Reid looking smugly self-important on the SimWars judges panel
giving the trophy to the Fabulous Females of FOAM
The pair of gimps!