| 00:00 - 00:03 | They've announced occupation of three neighborhoods |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | They're calling it "National Landing" |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | "Crystal City" is gone |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | So is "Pentagon City" |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | And "Potomac Yard" |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | It's not a problem. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | I can still get a condo in Rosslyn |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | My führer... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | Rosslyn has... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Rosslyn has already been occupied by Nestlé |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | Even the Blue line is full now |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | If you own a home north of Lee Highway -- get out of the room. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | How the hell could this happen? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | There are TWO Whole Foods in Arlington |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | And now I'll have to DRIVE to get to either one? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | If I wanted to use a car every day |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | I'd already live in Manassass! |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | 1.2 million dollars for a STUDIO? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | Aurora Highlands is now some kind of |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Techbro Disneyland? |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | You can take a scooter to Whole Foods |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | A scooter. From Bailey's Crossroads!? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | They're bringing 25,000 jobs! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Do I LOOK like a fucking programmer? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | I'm a GS-14. |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | I get COLAs. That's it. |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | And now Virginia will bankrupt itself |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Building Tech's "Innovation Campus" |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Training kids to organize boxes faster |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | With not even a new BUS for Columbia Pike |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Much less a Streetcar! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | The rest of the CIP is now delayed for 15 years! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I moved out of DC on purpose. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I made friends in Arlington |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I wanted a place with beer gardens |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | And now Amazon gets it all themselves |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | TWO new metro entrances, "complete streets" |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | and a HELIPAD |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | For their new HQ building |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | With a WALKWAY to National Airport |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Which will only fly to SEATTLE! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry. You can still use Dulles! |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I hoped after BRAC |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | I could at least get a bungalow |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | And keep the dog |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | And now my only hope |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Is to gentrify Annacostia |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | And rebrand it as "Capital Hill South" |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | And pay 10% income tax |
