| 00:00 - 00:03 | We have the crowd ready at Blizzcon, Mr President. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | The room is packed... |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | and the leaks about a big Diablo announcement has everyone salivating 'here' |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | We are ready for the show and glorious reception |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | that will no doubt follow from the loyal fans of our franchise |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Good. I can't wait to see it myself |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Diablo 2 Remastered? Or Diablo 4? I can't wait!!! Which is it? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mr Blizzard President... |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | The big announcement... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | ...it is a MOBILE PHONE GAME |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | It is a re-skin of a game already made by the outsourced devs |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Anyone who knew that this would be a f*#king stupid idea, please leave. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | WTF lads!!! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Seriously, WTF were you thinking? |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | This is your big announcement? |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | A dumbed down version of a game that has been out for 6 years? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | "Don't worry, you will only play it on the toilet" |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | 100% of our fans play Diablo on PC or console |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | The dumbed down version, reduced version was just released on Switch |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | People can already play that on the crapper |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | "Sir, everyone has a phone they so can easily play this while pooping" |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | It will be too tempting for them to flush our IP down the toilet like you have... |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | "but people love Diablo and can now play it everywhere" |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | Play what? A Diablo game with worse graphics, less depth and microtransactions? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Every mobile game in history is trash |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | If this was another company that made this |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | we would sue them for dragging our IP down |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | and ruining the experience with touch screen buttons... |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | ...and worse graphics and limited gameplay |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | and how a mobile knockoff could not compete with a real Diablo game |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | We have been teasing our fans for weeks |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | and you are going to try and f*ck them over like EA |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | They will know you plan sell them gems for real money. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | The game might as well be called 'Diablo Bejeweled'! |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I bet you have to watch an add to 'identify an item'... |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | All I want to know is... |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | ...is this some kind of out of season April Fool's joke? |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | Because literally no one ever has asked for this. |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | We haven't made a new game for so long |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | and people still talk about Diablo 2 with nostalgia |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | and they finally have forgotten about our failed launches and Auction House |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | "It's okay. I am sure gems will be free in daily packs" |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | So this is what you are going to present to this Blizcon crowd |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | A f*#king mobile game |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | We will be slaughtered |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | And to think I laughed at the 'Artifact' reaction |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | I bet in 20 minutes we would kill for that reaction |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | It could only be worse if the presenter wore a t-shirt and stuttered his way through it |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Like he wasn't prepared for this very obvious reaction of stunned silence for some reason. |
